Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Week 6: Jealousy, Emotions, Morning Sickness, and "Yes, I Already Knew That"

I've made it to 6 weeks!  I'm actually 6 weeks and 4 days (6w4d).  Though, since I'm writing this post after midnight, I'm TECHNICALLY 6w5d, BUT WHATEVER.

SO HOW IS THIS PREGNANCY GOING.

Well, for one, it's throwing me for a loop.  Like a serious one.  With my first pregnancy, at this stage in the game, I had textbook morning sickness.  Woman with her head over the toilet, puking her guts up.  Do I have that with this one?  Nope, nada.  Nothing.  I do puke, don't get me wrong, but nowhere near the extent of my first one.  I'm just hungry all the time.  I eat so much that when I step on the scale, I expect to see a ten pound gain.  I've actually only gained a couple of pounds in the last couple of months.  I know part of it is me eating a shit ton of food, but I'm shocked it's only been that much.  Last time I weighed myself, I was like 174.  I weighed myself today for S&Gs and I was still right at about that number (AFTER INDULGING IN FOOD, NOM NOM NOM).  So the bigger belly I'm sporting--all bloat.

But I was having a high paranoid moment last time I wrote an entry.  I was convinced something was wrong or I wasn't really pregnant anymore or JUST SOME OTHER WEIRD BS THAT MY BRAIN CAME UP WITH.  So I caved and bought a box of FRERs.  Took both of them within a 12 hour time period, both came up blaring positives.  So much so the test line is officially darker than the control line, and the test line was nice and dark before the control line even started coming up (the test line showed up as the test was only halfway through the results window).  So I am VERY pregnant.



Anyway, as some of you may have noticed there are certain subjects in my title I want to discuss that I've noticed with my feelings towards this pregnancy.

Jealousy.

I realize that I get very jealous when people announce their pregnancies.  I don't know why.  I think it's remnants left over after watching others get pregnant while I was still not-pregnant.  And it also is tied in with my miscarriage.

The miscarriage did steal some innocence and fun that being pregnant would have otherwise had.  It was the stark realization and reality of how fragile an embryo/fetus is to a certain point of gestation.  And it was like my mantra of "It's still early, anything can happen" was slapping me in the face.  So I realize that the jealousy comes from the fact that I could miscarry and I won't be pregnant anymore.  But they'll still be pregnant.  And that's what I get jealous about.

Which is STUPID, mind you, because I AM pregnant.  Very much so.  With what's appearing to be a sticky baby.  The fear of miscarriage goes down everyday I wake up and realize I'm still pregnant.  Everyday I wake up and feel like a weight is strapped to my chest (read: my VERY sore boobs) is a good day.  I know once I'm in my second trimester, the jealousy factor should go down (hopefully).

NOW FOR EMOTIONS!

These damned hormones are making me WAY more emotional than I need to be, LOL!  I was watching Cake Boss and I've teared up over like four different episodes BECAUSE IT WAS JUST SO DAMNED HAPPY.  I started crying because some girl was crying over getting her favorite horse for Christmas (again SO DAMNED HAPPY).  And I almost started crying at Babies R Us because I was looking at all the clothes and realized I'd be having a tiny person to put these clothes on.  And that made me SO DAMNED HAPPY.  SEE!  I start crying over happy things.

My emotions.  They can't handle it.  Plus work and preggo hormones are making me super pissy lately.

Morning sickness.

It's not severe, it's between minor to mild, depending on the day.  It's more rolling stomach, not enough to make me puke, nausea mixed with heartburn.  But ugh, I've discovered if I don't eat when I wake up, I will puke when I eat later.  This has been my routine for months; I don't eat until I have a lunch at work or until I go home and eat a late dinner.  Which doesn't work with preggo-ness.  That routine makes me incredibly sick and I end up throwing up.

But when I'm home on my days off, I feel hungry ALL the time.  I'm starting to think it might be dehydration as well.  Sucks, because I can't stand water!

And the last bit.

Man, I am already getting advice.  And I just want to stare at people and tell them to go away.  Every time I eat something, someone's all YOU KNOW YOU SHOULDN'T BE EATING THAT!  And I'm all RIGHT NOW I'M EATING WHATEVER MY STOMACH CAN HANDLE!  Or how I shouldn't be messing with over half the animals in my store (I wash my hands afterward or sanitize them quickly if it's too busy to disappear for a quick wash), or shouldn't be doing this or that.

Or when I go "God my boobs hurt" and they go "OH JUST WAIT FOR X, Y, Z TO HAPPEN TO YOUR NIPPLES.  THIS STARTS HAPPENING AND THIS!"  I've learned the quickest way to shut them up is telling them I've been pregnant before.

I also love when people are all "Let me look....you're having A because of B."

Oh man, I can't wait until I'm big and showing.  The advice and comments are only going to get better, LOL.

Anyway, weekly belly shot at 6w4d.  Took it earlier today.

SO MUCH BLOAT AND PUDGE.

I so pudgy, LOL.


No comments:

Post a Comment

Post a Comment